In today’s economy, many are faced with pressing concerns. Some have lost their jobs due to corporate downsizing, some are confronted with losing their home, and others are eyeing their stack of bills and trying to figure out how to pay them. Or perhaps you are one of the lucky ones — financially at least– but maybe you are having a problem with your child, your parent, or your employer. Whatever your situation, understand that you do have options. DO NOT GIVE UP!
I remember not having a job and wondering how I was going to make my car payment and pay my student loan. I can understand how you feel. There are better days coming. The key is control your situation: don’t let your situation control you!
If you have a mountain of debt and need debt relief, cut up the credit cards, create a new budget, and talk to a bankruptcy attorney, credit counseling agency, or debt settlement firm. If you are having problems at home, remember what I’ve said in other blogs about communication and change. Change now– today– not tomorrow or the next day. To truly control your situation requires confrontation. You cannot get a new result until you do something new. Confront it and conquer it. The more you pretend everthing is ok, the worse it gets. I know that sometimes change can be hard, but sometimes the hardest things in life bring the greatest joy when we have finally overcome. God made us all overcomers.
Now get to it– write your steps down for change and do it one little step at a time. Take back control — it’s your life!
Now that I got your attention, I know you must be thinking? “Well what is the question?!”
True or false: Your child should get to decide what they want to do and when they want to do it.
True or false: You are always right.
True or false: You shouldn’t have to talk to your child’s other parent because s/he has never cared before!
True or false: You only have to deal with the other parent until your child turns 18.
OK. Drumroll… if you answered true to any of those questions, you may want to reevaluate your mindset. Now don’t get worked up! As a parenting coordinator working with high conflict parents, I often see the same root to problems: lack of communication, one parent wanting to be or thinking they are right all the time, and the mindset that it is about the PARENTS. It is NOT about YOU: it is about your child. So often, parents unintentionally allow their children to manipulate them by catering to their whims. They want their child to like them, especially when they feel they are competing with that other parent who is living in another home. Do not allow your feelings to overshadow reality. You and your coparent have a business relationship, and the product of that business is your child. If you cannot figure out how to jointly produce a happy and successful child, consider what you are stumbling over. What disagreements are you having? Is it because you are not communicating? Get to the bottom of it, even if you need intervention with a parenting coordinator, mediator, counselor, or friend. I promise you, it takes less energy to get along and compromise than it does to be in control all of the time. But it’s your decision. As always, it’s YOUR life!
I just returned from San Francisco, California, where I attended a 3 day bankruptcy conference with over 1000 other consumer bankruptcy attorneys across the United States. It was interesting, informative, and even fun!
One of the things I learned is to be aware of mortgage companies who sell and resell home loans. If you are in foreclosure, check to see who filed the Complaint in Foreclosure. Check to see if they have provided the correct paperwork for the Court.
A common name tossed about is Mortgage Electronic Registration Systems, aka MERS. If their name appears anywhere on your foreclosure, consult your attorney! Dispute the debt. Make them prove that they have the right to bring the action.
If you are in foreclosure, don’t forget that you may have an opportunity to do a loan modification. You may also have an opportunity to request that the local court where the Complaint in Foreclosure was filed set the matter for mediation. There are no guarantees with anything, but it is worth a try.
If all else fails, and you wish to keep your home, consult with your bankruptcy attorney about filing a Chapter 13.
Good luck– and like I said before. It is YOUR life!
It Only Matters What You HEAR!
By: Kristen A. Stanton, Esq.
Communication. So simple yet so complex. My niece comes running to me with her arms in the air and I know she wants me to pick her up. If she doesn’t want something she shakes her head no. Babies know how to communicate what they want yet we often do not. And that inability to communicate is often the crux of the problem in family relationships, dating relationships, friendships, and parent to parent relationships.
The first principle of communication is that it doesn’t matter what I say, it only matters what YOU hear. If you are having difficulty communicating with your child’s parent, your children, or others in your life, take a step back and ask yourself what the other person hears. If you are having a discussion, start by rephrasing their sentence, such as “what I am hearing you say is…” The reason that this works is because you each then are forced into active listening. If what you rephrase is not what the other person intended then they know that you are not yet communicating and they need to restate their position.
Another problem that comes up in communication is when we do not give the reason behind the decision. If you are the parent of a six year old who wants to eat a big bowl of ice cream before lunch, you will tell her, “:You cannot eat the ice cream because it will spoil your lunch.” If you merely tell her she cannot eat the ice cream, she will not understand that you do not have a problem with her eating the ice cream but the problem comes in WHEN she eats the ice cream. When you making comments that can be interpreted as “this is how it is going to be” we have a breakdown in communication. Again, it only matters what you HEAR!
So the next time you have a disagreement, take a step back and start over. Rephrase and restate. What you will probably find is that you really are not that far apart in your positions. And if you are? Communicate! You will save yourself a lot of worry, time, trouble, and yes, money!
It’s Your Life!
By: Kristen A. Stanton, Esq.
It’s a new year. It’s a time for new resolutions, new decisions, new beginnings. So what’s stopping you?
Many of us end the year and start the new one full of hopes and expectations. THIS is the year that things will change. THIS is the year that it will be different. But so often we continue to make the same decisions that in turn trap us in the same pattern. Have you ever heard the catch-phrase, “If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got?”
It makes perfect sense – only we have a tendency called human stubbornness that makes us believe that it does not apply to us. We believe that we are the exception to the rule. Will you make this year different? Will you finally see your dream fulfilled? Well, hey, it’s YOUR life! Make it count!
As you begin the year, take a look at your past and then look to your future to see what you truly have control over – what you truly can change to make a difference for yourself, for your family, and for generations to come.
And make one of those decisions a note to read this blog because it is all about you! It’s your life!
